Dancin' With Mr. C

©2017 by LeeZard
 
“The biopsy shows moderate to seriously aggressive cancer on two sides of your prostate.” And so, last Thursday, my life changed forever. The surprise is, I’m not freaking. Those who know me well know how shocking that is. For those who don't, four words: New York, Jewish, Neurotic.
The next surprise, especially to me,  is that I feel stronger and stronger each day. Not physically; I've lost 30-pounds. But I feel like my whole life has prepared me for whatever lies ahead. I’m ready. Bring it!
I had a bone scan today. I'll meet with my urologist in six days. For now, you know as much as I do. 
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My brain has always worked at high speed, although my mouth often swings into action first. Over the last eight days, though, my brain is processing more slowly as more thoughts and feelings emerge. I’m actually enjoying this part. I am learning so much more about life. I’m learning so much more about me.
No matter what happens, this blog will not devolve into some kind of emotional death spiral; I am filled with hope. I have only positive people in my life including a small, powerful core of friends and supporters. And, I have the love and friendship of a remarkable woman. She does not like the spotlight. I call her The Boss because when she states something with certainty she is just about always right. She likes me to remind folks that she's not bossy. She's not.

I'd be lying if I said I'm not afraid. For now, some fear is around the edges and I don't dwell on it. I'm sure that will change further down this road. 
I am almost looking forward to the fight.
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But that’s not what this first blog post is about. No matter the outcome, the cancer diagnosis changed me forever. Mortality is in the neighborhood sooner or later and things I’ve ignored or taken for granted are suddenly in vivid focus. Maybe reality doesn’t always bite.
Nineteen years sober have turned me into the man I’m supposed to be. I’m a good man and I like me warts and all. I’m humble enough (can you believe that!?!) to work on the shortcomings I can fix and live with those I can’t. Getting sober changed me forever. the cancer diagnosis even more so.
Also through sobriety, I’ve righted many wrongs and forgiven a lot of people for whom I harbored real or imagined anger and resentment. Over the past eight days, I’ve found new ways to forgive and I’m certain I’ll find more wrongs for which I must answer.  Step Away From The Negative Energy!!
Here’s the best news in all of this, my path as an observer and a writer has never been more clear. Even if I make it for another 30-40 years, my writing has a new urgency, a sharper purpose and, hopefully, an even greater self awarenes.
Please join me on this new journey. Together, I hope we will learn and grow. A ton of good, good, good, good vibrations ( bop bop) won’t hurt either.

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