Tuesday, December 20, 2011

News Flash: LeeZard Enters Presidential Race!


Contact: LeeZard

May 27, 2013

LeeZard Tosses in Hat for 2016
Taps Bruce Springsteen as Running Mate

(Renton, WA) Noted blogger, raconteur and political know-some-of-it LeeZard will seek the 2016 Democratic nomination for president, it was announced today.

“I supported President Obama throughout the dismal, tawdry and endless 2008 campaign,” said LeeZard. “I bought in to his promise of change.”

"I ran against him in 2012," he added, "but nobody noticed. I will not be deterred!"

“So, let’s look at the record! Our troops are still in Afghanistan, the national debt continues to rise and we are no closer to economic stability or prosperity,” he continued.

"And let's face the hard fact, UNEMPLOYMENT IS NOT WORKING!"

Gathering a full head of steam and puffing himself up to twice his normal size, LeeZard let loose with both barrels. “It’s time to bring change to what the changer changed,” he ranted, shaking his head at his own ranting. Let’s get this thing started!”

LeeZard promises a clean campaign on his road to the White House. “I will shower daily, brush after every meal, rinse my socks and underwear each evening and try to avoid eating too much garlic,” he said.

Modeling from past successful presidential efforts, LeeZard declared, “My campaign theme will be simple and appear to be sincere, even though I have no idea what it is. My rhetoric will be unintelligible but well-packaged.”

“I can promise you this,” concluded LeeZard, “my administration will be characterized by bad puns, good food and frequent bouts of goofiness.

Joining with running mate Springsteen, LeeZard concluded, "To paraphrase those great Americans, Hans and Franz, ‘hear us now and listen to us later; no matter what happens tramps like us, baby we were born to run!”

"And, remember my friends, if we take ourselves too seriously then we take ourselves too seriously"

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