Saturday, January 11, 2014


 ©2013 by LeeZard

“Look” is such a simple word. If you look it up at, however, it becomes quite a bit more complicated with no less than 20 definitions, 27 phrases and five idioms. Why do I bring this up? I’m glad you asked. I saw something at work the other day that reminded me of perhaps the scariest, unspoken and most widely used version of the word. I am talking about THE LOOK. skirts around the power of THE LOOK in definition 13:
“to express or suggest by looks: to look one's annoyance at a person. nails it in definition three:
A phrase to describe when your partner/spouse is highly annoyed with you and gives you 'The Look.'

After receiving 'The Look' the receiver is usually filled with immense dread at prospects of hearing what he/she did wrong or being subjected to severe punishments. Punishments may include but not limited to: the couch, 'headaches', and television out the window.

'The Look' can usually be used if you discover your significant other has not performed tasks up to par or has behaved badly.  
Rich: "Jessica gave me 'the look' man yesterday after I stained her favorite shirt."
Paul: "Oh god. What are you going to do?"
Rich: "I don't know man, roses? Roses!"
Paul: "For your sake I hope you wrap them in diamonds."
Raise your hands, all you guys with wives and/or girlfriends, how many of you have experienced THE LOOK?
This was all brought to mind by the incident at work the other day. It was a small incident but probably not to “Joe.”
I was manning the front register at my Starbucks store when an attractive young couple came in with a child – about three or four years old. I got the sense that she was the mom while he was not necessarily the dad. It doesn’t really matter for the purposes of this treatise. Stay with me here.
While Mom was ordering, the young man was playing several feet away with the little girl, both of them giggling like mad. After she ordered, Mom said, “Joe, let’s go.” Joe was having too much fun and continued his little romp. That’s when Mom shot him THE LOOK and in a much quieter, more sinister tone, repeated, “Joe.” It worked; Joe froze in mid-giggle, gently grabbed the little girl and meekly headed toward the table at which they would sit.
As demonstrated above, THE LOOK is a powerful weapon in public places or situations. How many times have you shoved your foot deeply into your mouth at a reception, business gathering or, worse, family gathering and garnered THE LOOK? Makes you want to choke on that foot.

There are variations to THE LOOK and, as such, the LOOKER can convey many silent messages to the LOOKEE.Rarely, if ever, are those messages in favor of the target. 
The most dangerous variation is The Withering Look. If you’ve experienced it, you know what I mean; you are in deep shit. 
A milder version and only slightly less dangerous is The Annoyed Look. You’ve done something to irk her and The Annoyed Look is telling you  
 you’re on thin ice. You are only a few words or one action away from The Withering Look. The Annoyed Look is also called the Make You Feel Guilty Look. You’ve fucked up and she is letting you know you fucked up. It is insidious and threatening.
The I Am Not Amused Look is perhaps the least threatening but do not take it lightly. It is usually accompanied by a rolling of the eyes that only you can see. The message is clear; you are making a fool of yourself and I cannot help you. There will be a stern talking to on the way home.
THE LOOK can also be very manipulative – another weapon in her arsenal. The best example is when she wants something. It can be a happy or sad Look, pleading or demanding. We are often powerless under its gaze.
Finally and sadly there is THE LOOK least used but most desired, The Come Hither Look. Characteristically, the longer the relationship, the less frequently it is seen.

So guys, look out for THE LOOK. In fact, try to anticipate it and avoid eye contact if possible. If she can’t see the whites of your eyes, THE LOOK is virtually powerless. The downside is, there will still be a stern talking to on the way home and there certainly will be no Come Hither Look later on.