Oldies for Oldies

-->
©2015 by LeeZard

An old high school pal recently re-posted on Facebook, “Some of the artists of the 60's (or their estates) are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.” She proceeded to add a pretty funny list from the original post, along with a few of her own (and from other friends).

Let's give it a roll, shall we?

Here's my random list. Feel free to comment and add your own.
·       ABBA --- Aching Queen

·       Beatles --- I Don’t Feel Fine/I Saw Her Lying There/I Wanna Hold Your Gland/Yellow Hematoma

·       Johnny Nash --- I Can Cialis Now


·       Rolling Stones --- Let's Spend Social Security Together/Sympathy for the Surgeon

·       Bette Midler --- Wind Beneath My Jeans/I’m Wrinkled Dammit/Do You Wanna Limp
·       Mamas & Papas --- I Forgot Your Name

·       Queen --- Crazy Little Thing Called Arthritis

·       Three Dog Night --- Easy to be Sick/Doctor's Comin'
Billy Joel --- Making a Scene at an Italian Restaurant/A Matter of No Lust/River of Pee
·       Jackson Browne --- Takin' It Queazy

·       Bob Seger --- Night Chills/Against Passing Wind

·       Sonny and Cher --- Baby Please Don’t Go (To the Bathroom Again)

·       Crosby, Stills and Nash --- Move in With Your Children/Sweat for Judy Blue Eyes/Wooden Legs

·       Shirelles --- Will You Still Hear Me Tomorrow

·       Moody Blues --- Nights With No Statins/ I'm Just a Singer in the Coroner's Van

·       Smokey Robinson and The Miracles --- It Was Just My Indigestion/You Better Flop Around

·       Four Tops --- Can't Feed Myself

·       Creedence Clearwater Revival --- Bad Bile Rising/Limping out my Back Door
·       Bruce Springsteen --- Pink Cataracts/Cataract Ranch/Human Crutch/Raise Your Pants/Tenth Avenue Pharmacy/Throwin’ Up

·       Sam Cooke --- Pain Gang

·       Derek and the Dominos --- Fat Bottom Blues

·       Van Morrisson --- One Eyed Girl

·       Ricky Nelson --- Poor Little Stool Sample

·       Simon and Garfunkle --- Bridge Over Troubled Bladder/I am in Shock

·       Mason Williams --- Classic Gas

·       Danny and the Juniors --- Kidney Stones are Here to Stay

·       The Monkees --- Wrinkle Cream Believer

·       Elvis Presley --- Shake, Rattle and Crawl/Old Folks Hotel

·       Beach Boys --- Don't Hurry Baby/Let’s go Burping/Little Dark Poop

·       The Doors --- Fight My Piles/Roadhouse Restrooms

·       Ray Charles --- Here We Go Again, to the hospital

·       Dave "Baby" Cortez --- The Unhappy Organ

·       Harry Nillson - Jump Into the Pyre
  Bob Dylan --- Positively False Teeth/I Can’t Stand Maggie’s Farts No More
·       The late, great Tom Petty --- I Won't Black Out

·       Fats Domino --- I'm In Pain Again/Blueberry Pill

·       The Rascals --- I've Been Constipated Too Long

·       Ramsey Lewis Trio ---- The Old Crowd

·       Steven Stills --- Find the One You're With

·       Bobby Darin --- Under the Knife

·       Rod Stewart --- Maggie May Not /Every Scar Tells a Story

·       Chuck Berry --- Johnny Be Old

·       Jackson Browne --- Doctor My Eyes!!

Guess Who This Is
·       Warren Zevon --- Lawyers, Guns and Wheelchairs

·       Jerry Butler --- He Can’t See You

·       Jerry Lee Lewis --- Great Balls On Fire/Too Much Shakin’ Goin On

·       The Dovells --- You Can’t Sit Down; Your Piles are Killing You

·       Johnny Mathis --- It’s Not For Me to Decay

·       Mamas and Papas --- I Call Your Doctor

·       Pointer Sisters --- I’m So Bloated

·       Supremes --- Where Did Our Kids Go

·       Little Anthony and the Imperials --- Teeth on My Pillow

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Woodstock, Sort Of.......

Image
©2009 by LeeZard Millions of people will tell you they were at Woodstock in 1969. Only about half-a-million are telling the truth. I am one of them. I was a young (22) Washington, D.C.-based correspondent for a fledgling radio network operated by Metromedia. At the time, Metromedia was the single largest owner of non-network (ABC, CBS & NBC) affiliated radio and TV stations in the country. In those days, by the way, the FCC allowed only a maximum ownership of seven AMs, seven FMs and seven TV stations by a single company. Everyone had heard of this Rock & Roll festival near the small town of Bethel in upstate New York but nobody was prepared for the historic event it would become. On Friday August 15, 1969 I flew to New York City to attend a friend’s Saturday night wedding. At about 6 a.m. Saturday morning the phone rang at my parents’ house (where I was staying). It was my boss in D.C. “It’s a disaster up at that Rock thing in New York – 20-mile long traffic jams; nobody can g
Read more

BRANDO

Image
©2011 by LeeZard Brando the Wonder Dog died peacefully in my arms at 10:35 PM (PST) on  November 25th, 2011. He was 12-years old. The last words he heard were, “I love you, Brando.” Brando died from an overdose of barbiturates administered by a critical care veterinarian after he was diagnosed with cancer in his shoulder that had spread to his lungs. His chest cavity was filled with blood and fluid; he was slowly suffocating. I had no choice but to put him down. Nonetheless, it was a difficult and wrenching decision.     I wanted to get that part out of the way off the top because I don’t want this to be a maudlin obituary. This is the story of a great and loyal German Shepherd, a dignified and grand old man who lived to love and play. He got plenty of both in the all too brief time we had with him. Brando chose me for adoption in June, 2007, a few months before his eighth birthday. I was looking for a German Shepherd; I knew them to be smart, loyal and protective - not mean
Read more

The Rose

Image
©2010 by LeeZard The rose that lives its little hour Is prized beyond the sculptured flower. - William Cullen Bryant This was a very good summer for LeeZard’s rose garden. Well, it’s not a garden per se; I have the bushes spread throughout our ¾-acre property. But we’ve enjoyed a bevy of big beautiful blooms (All the photos in this piece were taken by LeeZard). No mean feat; as many of you know, the fabled rose requires considerable care and feeding, especially in the damp Pacific Northwest. LeeZard is fascinated by the rose. I love the flower’s look and intoxicating scent. I am not alone. More than any other bloom, the rose has a unique place in our hearts and in history. Their lips were four red roses on a stalk. - William Shakespeare According to the University of Illinois Extension, roses have a long and colorful history. “They have been symbols of love, beauty, war, and politics. The rose is, according to fossil evidence, 35 million years old. In n
Read more