LFS: The Storyteller

©2014 by LeeZard Here are some random thoughts and observations after two weeks in and around Colorado Springs or, as they call it here, The Springs. There is this somewhat familiar big shiny yellow ball in the sky. It emits tremendous heat and the sky around it is always blue. I do remember something similar in the Pacific Northwest but here it seems more intense, as if it has more confidence it will show up nearly every day. I’m told it even makes regular appearances between blizzards in the winter. What a concept! As in the Northwest there are mountains here, lots of ‘em. They’re called the Rockies and, while they are quite beautiful, I still find the Cascade Mountains more dramatic. I think this is because the Cascades are viewed primarily from sea level while The Rockies grow from the high plains. Mt. Rainier From 50-Miles Away Pikes Peak Up Close The Springs sits at 6,035 feet – sorry Mile High City – and in the shadow of one of the most famous mountains in ...

©2014 by LeeZard I arrived in soggy Seattle February 9, 1974 to become News Director for the brand-spankin’ new KZOK-FM, “OK102-and-a-half.”  It was a hokey tag line then and it still is today. Wouldn’t you want to be more than just OK? As usual, I digress.  I left Renton, WA, just east of Seattle, on August 11, 2014, relocating to Colorado Springs, CO where, I hear, they have four seasons each year.  Garden of the Gods, a city park in Colorado Springs Has it really been 40 years?  When I arrived in Seattle I was just shy of my 27 th birthday, newly married to (I thought) the love of my life and riding the crest of success as a broadcast journalist in the nascent Progressive Rock format on the FM band (can you say Hippy Radio?). Back then you could use the words “broadcast” and "Journalist” in the same sentence with a straight face and we used the burgeoning commercial FM boom to pioneer a style of journalism heretofore unheard of on the airwaves. ...

--> ©2014 by LeeZard Let’s be honest; everybody lies. We even lie when we tell our kids, “Honesty is the best policy,” because in our heart of hearts we know it’s not always the best policy. We cover our lying butts by calling them “little white lies.” Is that the opposite of big black lies? Isn’t that unfair to anything (or anyone) Black? But, as usual, I digress. Let us count the top ten (according to LeeZard) little white lies (You can add your own to the list): 1. Santa Claus 2. Tooth fairy    3. Easter Bunny    4. Hanukkah Harry (Thank you,   SNL!)    5. I was only kidding.    6. I had a great time. I’ll call you.    7. No, you don’t look fat in that outfit.    8. I love your hair like that.    9. Fake orgasms    10. (Sometimes) I love you. As the top four attest, we even create great myths around our lies...

©2014 by LeeZard How to write about turning 67 without sounding sappy and/or maudlin? I’ll take a stab at it because, for one thing, I can’t believe it! People tell me I don’t look 67. I sure as hell don’t feel it, think it or even act it – although I do let my inner adult out when I need it. I was 33 when my Dad was 67 and he seemed really old. I look at pictures of Dad around that age and he still looks older than I do today. That alone is amazing; many of you know the hard life I led for many years. I like to tell people a lot of bets were out that I’d never make it to 65. But, here I am. A dear departed friend of mine – the venerable Jim Moss, who died at 90 – used to say in his later years, “At my age, it’s good to be anywhere,” when people asked how he was doing. Even at a relatively young 67 I now get that. I call my life a miracle for many reasons. First and foremost is my 16-years of sobriety. As I’ve said so many times, if I could do it after 33-year...

©2014 By LeeZard FLASH!!! In a recent interview with AARP Magazine , Bruce Springsteen revealed that he is reworking the lyrics of some of his classic songs to reflect his aging and that of his fans. LeeZard has gained exclusive access to these lyrics (and the cover art!) with no permission to publish brief snippets. Leezard has also learned the new songs will be released this summer on a new album entitled “Greetings From a Nursing Home in Asbury Park, New Jersey.” Here we go!   Cataract Ranch Cataract, cataract Blurry and dark, things are going black, Open up my eyes, trying to see more Oh my god they’re tearing, I feel like a dinosaur. Pee All Night When I lost my prostate honey sometimes I think I lost my guts too And I wish God would send me a libido, send me something I thought I’d never lose  Lying in the heat of the night like we never made love all our lives I get shivers down my spine and all I wanna do is keep myself dry....

©2014 by LeeZard The Battlefield The first casualty of the Great Chicken War was – what else – a chicken but, ultimately, the flock would emerge victorious. Yes, I’m still alive to tell this tale but my pride and my skills as The Chicken Farmer From New York City suffered greatly. It was a war of strategy and tactics fought in the dense bushes of Monroe’s Landing and the muddy plain of its chicken pen. Monroe’s Landing is the name of Wende’s three-quarter acre property located along the shores of a shining little jewel of a lake less than 30 miles east of Seattle. The tiny lake is populated by nesting eagles, deer, beaver, a gaggle of geese, beautiful white swans, nasty, thieving coyotes and the occasional bear. Wende and Sarah were spending spring break with friends in Hawaii and, as usual, I was left to care for the menagerie – Kota, the sweetest Golden Retriever you’ll ever meet; Tex, the Texas-Bobtailed-Cat who thinks he’s a dog and rules the roost; Tuxie, all cat al...