Friend of Bill

©2007 by LeeZard

I am a walking, talking miracle. By the end of 1997, I was clinically depressed, stuffing more than 220 pounds onto a frame built for 175, struggling to breathe when I walked up a short flight of stairs and suffering intermittent internal bleeding. At 51, I was virtually unemployable and emotionally alienated from my family and friends. I was a late stage alcoholic.

Had I continued down that path I certainly would have died a lonely and ugly death if I didn’t kill myself (and/or someone else) first while driving drunk. I would’ve been in and out of jails, hospitals and perhaps a mental institution or two. Instead, I decided I couldn’t live that way anymore. I also knew I couldn’t stop drinking on my own so I turned to the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. That was the beginning of my miracle.

I’ve been sober since June 10, 1998. I weigh 190 pounds, power walk 3-5 miles nearly every day, have a challenging and well-paying job and an overall sense of peace and gratitude.

Fear not, this isn’t a commercial for Alcoholics Anonymous. Frankly, AA is not for everyone. But, through my recovery I have learned a lot about the disease of alcoholism and the insidious ways in which it ripples through our entire society. It’s a “cunning, baffling and powerful disease” that only gets worse – never better – even if you stop drinking. Denial is one of its symptoms. It is the only disease that tells you you’re not sick.

Alcoholism is an allergy of the body that becomes an obsession of the mind. Those afflicted physically process alcohol differently than normal drinkers. Contrary to myth, it is not necessarily how often one drinks that defines him/her as an alcoholic but what happens once he/she starts. It begins with an uncontrollable craving, an obsession that can supersede everything else. And, as the disease progresses, bad things start to happen.

Part of recovery in AA is “carrying the message to those who still suffer;” by helping other alcoholics. One way I do this is by being very open about my alcoholism and recovery. I regularly mention it in conversations when I feel it is appropriate and I am amazed by the number of people who ask questions – either for themselves, a friend or a family member. I’ve helped many sufferers into recovery.

What hit me hardest as I learned more and more about the disease is the number of young people – young adults, teens and even pre-teens – I see at AA meetings. I think that is good and bad – bad that the disease is so rampant in our young people, good that so many of them are finding “the solution” early in the disease’s progression.

I remember a middle school class I visited to talk about alcoholism in which the teacher said 75% of the kids had already sampled drugs and/or alcohol. One colleague at work came to me after his 15-year old daughter nearly died from alcohol poisoning and a .40 blood alcohol count (.08 is legally drunk in my state). I was able to hook the girl up with some young women in AA and talked to her parents about AA’s companion family program, Al-anon.

So, what can we do about underage alcohol consumption? I’m not sure there’s a total answer to that question but the consequences are unthinkable nonetheless; the tragedy of extinguished young lives and the shattering of families. But I do think we can simplify our approach and, hopefully, minimize the consequences.

Most kids are going to drink before they legally come of age. I think we have to accept that as fact; the peer pressure is enormous. There’s binge drinking at parties, alcohol poisoning, drunk driving and other incidents – all with potentially fatal outcomes. Alcohol is the most prevalent drug available to teens, the easiest to obtain and, in my view, the most dangerous.

Take my kids for example. They are two amazing young adults (for which I can only take little credit) who usually make good choices. My son – a former frat boy and now a gainfully employed college grad – regularly imbibed before his 21st birthday. Do you think if I told him he was forbidden to drink, he would’ve obeyed that command? Unlikely. I know for a fact the (former) Teen Queen, now a law student, also partook of the grape and beer.

Their mom and I tried to take a more realistic approach. As our kids neared high school age, we told them we’d prefer they NOT drink. More importantly, though, we demanded they agree not to drive while impaired and to never get into a vehicle with an impaired driver. I know these edicts are just as unenforceable as the no drinking command but we also offered a carrot. We told them if they found themselves stranded because of alcohol to call us no matter what time of day or night and we would pick them up with no consequences. Further, we insisted they keep us well informed about their social plans and destinations and let us know if those plans changed.

As long as they followed these rules, we allowed them a decent amount of freedom. I’m relieved to say that I never had to “ground” one of my kids and, along the way, we built mutual trust. More importantly, they survived their teen years without any serious alcohol or drug-related incidents. Tragically, many parents are not as fortunate.

Some might argue this approach is the same as giving the kids permission to drink. Maybe so, but for me, the bottom line was to minimize the dangers to my children. I could only hope I provided them with enough information about the dangers of alcohol and other drugs so they can continue to make good decisions.

The other side of this equation is the potential for alcoholism. More and more young people are ending up in treatment centers and, ultimately, Alcoholics Anonymous which is, by far, the most successful recovery program. AA is not the stereotypical haven for graying, grizzled late-stage stumbling street bums; it never was. Today, more and more young people are sitting at AA meetings. It is heartening to know these youngsters can begin recovery before suffering the tragic consequences of late-stage alcoholism. It also is heartbreaking to see these babies caught in the web of addiction.

So, back to my question: What can we do about underage alcohol consumption? Maybe there are some answers even if there are no clear-cut solutions:
· Shower the young’ uns with love and information;
· Help them stay away from the most dangerous situations;
· Let them know you trust them to make good choices and you will be a safe haven for them if they make a wrong choice;
· And, pray they don’t fall victim to someone else’s bad decisions.

If you add it all up, the costs of alcoholism and the abuse of other drugs are staggering. There is not enough space here to write about time and productivity lost at work, the medical costs and other impacts on our health care and judicial systems, not to mention the destroyed families and relationships.

So why do I say a 12-step program isn’t for everyone? An alcoholic has to hit absolute bottom and then, he or she must be willing to go to any length to achieve sobriety. AA is not for those who need it, it is for those who want it.

AA may not be for everyone but if you want to know more it is listed in virtually every phone book or you can “Google” your local AA office. And, I must say, I am honored to call myself “a friend” of AA’s founder, Bill W. His pioneering work in 1935 with co-founder Dr. Bob has given me a life I never imagined possible – a life that is, in every way, a miracle.